


Owl Never Be Happy

by BlackSoulStar



Category: haikyuu
Genre: Biploar! Bokuto, Bipolar Bokuto, Headcanon, M/M, Owls, bipolar, disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 12:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5626672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackSoulStar/pseuds/BlackSoulStar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bokuto is Bipolar but no one knows this. It is a secret that he keeps. Akaashi knows that something is up. He notices the days when Bokuto is happy, he notics the day when he is down but doesn't understand why. A manic trip to the zoo ends up with Akaashi stumbling into Bokuto's secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Owl Never Be Happy

**Author's Note:**

> If I say anything that isn't correct or may be offensive, please let me know. I was trying my best to make it seem accurate.

Everyone knew that Bokuto was strange. He was always different and no one ever really questioned anything about it. They just accepted that it was the case. It was like expecting the snow to be white. It was like expecting it to get dark near the end of the day. It was expected that Bokuto was going to be strange that day and no one ever needed to question why.

  


He, himself never felt the need to question his strangeness but he knew why he was strange. It was like knowing that the snow was translucent and it was absorbing all the colours around it that makes it white. It was like knowing that the earth turns and when it does it turns away from the sun causing it to get dark. Bokuto knew he was strange due to the tablets that tried to cage the beast within in.

  


He never told anyone of these medication because it was a dark secret that he let no one ever know about the pills he throws back every day. He never told anyone about the woman that prodded at his emotions until he burst. When he did go wild, they thought that was just him or that was he enthusiastic about his topic.

  


Bokuto swallowed three large tablets as he walked to school like he always did, he stuffed the stupid packet into pocket and continued to walk through the slush. He kept his headphones in ignoring everyone else around him. He prefered it that way. He prefered not to notice the people that was on his team waving at him. He kept his eyes on the ground as he walked through more slush. He pretended not to notice the way they would look at each other with disgusted faces almost and walk on.

  


Why did they always try to say hi to him in the morning, this was his worst time. He told them he wasn’t a morning person, so it was best just to be left alone. He walked into the school gates to find Akaashi standing at the gates waiting for him.

  


He walked over to Bokuto like he did everyday. Bokuto could never pretend not to notice him because one he noticed he couldn’t stop staring at him. He was always drawn to him. Akaashi walked over to him and pulled his headphones of his head and put them over his own ears. He wasn’t listening to anything.

  


Akaashi never asked why he didn’t listen to any music. He was another who just expected Bokuto to be strange. He gave his sempai a tender smile before the two walked into the building. He didn’t say a word to him as they walked in. Akaashi stepped in closer to Bokuto’s side as they walked into the building.

  


Bokuto stepped away giving Akaashi a disgusted glare. He moved away from his altogether heading into the toilets and just sitting there while his mind ran wild ‘ _god, you’re so stupid sometimes. Can’t even think straight. May as well cu-’_ Bokuto shook his head urgently and ran his fingers through his messy hair. He heaved a large sigh and waited until the school bell rang saying class was starting soon. He made his way out of the toilets and into his class to find Yukie, who was the third year manager of the volleyball team. He sat behind her and she put a chocolate on his desk but he left it be, pushing it onto the floor. That was the clue to how he was feeling that day. And today he was in his sad mood as she decided and tend to leave him be.

  


The day carried on with him feeling low, Yukie handed Bokuto another chocolate and yet again he declined her offer by brushing past it to walk to the changing room. He walked into the room and took a seat on the bench and shut his eyes for a moment, ‘ _What’s the point in playing anyway. I’m just going to bring the team down anyway. There’s no point in me playing. May as well just jump-_ ” He shook his head again and found himself staring into Akaashi’s eyes. He found his own to be watery. Akaashi took a seat next to him and put an arm round his shoulder as everyone filtered out of the room.

  


Bokuto tried to pull away but Akaashi held on tighter to him and even straddled his hips and gave him a tender smile, “So listen...I got tickets for tonight to this bird show...it has like owls and that and I was even got you to go to the back and pet the owl’s. What do you say?”  Bokuto shrugged his shoulder.

  


“I’m taking that as your coming,” Bokuto shrugged again and Akaashi stood up and changed into his clothing. “Meet me at the gates after school. Do not go off on your own,” Bokuto shrugged one last time. Akaashi went into Bokuto’s bag and took out a notebook then left Bokuto on his own as Akasshi walked out of the changing room and into the gym.

  


Akaashi clapped his hands and the team gathered round and flipped the book open. He went to where the bookmark was and looked it over, “Captain is having a sideline day, so from his notes he wants us to do the usual warm up and stretches. So let’s start of with going for a run around the gym for a few minutes,” Akaashi looked over to Yukie who put on her iPod and an upbeat song was played.

  


They ran round the gym in a nice speed. Akaashi glanced over at the door to the male changing room but the door remained closed. He turned back a head and shouted out to side step facing the left wall. And so the team began to side step in unison. Akaashi called everyone to a halt and told them to jump as high as they could then jump to the floor, bringing knees out then in then jump up high and run again. The team jumped as high as they could and jumped to the floor, stretching their legs out behind them and then into them before pulling them in close and jumping up and dashing off.

  


“Again,” The vice captain shouted when they had ran a little further. They repeated the actions again and again, them getting more and more exhausted. When they were all panting severely, Akaashi told them to take a drink of water and return to the center and that Kaori was going to do the stretches.

  


They all rushed to get water while Akaashi walked into the changing room to see Bokuto sitting on the bench with tears falling down his cheek. Akaashi walked over and put a hand on Bokuto’s shoulder making him jump up in fright.

  


Bokuto wiped the trail of tears that was falling but it didn’t stop more and more following the first set of tears down the watery path. Akaashi sighed sadly and ran his fingers through Bokuto’s wild hair and brought him into a tight embrace as he cried into his chest.

  


“Want to talk?” Akaashi asked quietly.

  


“Leave me be….please,” Bokuto almost begged. The other male nodded and stood up and walked back into the gym to find the team in the middle of lunges. Akaashi walked over and joined in with the lunges, pushing himself further so that he wouldn’t hurt himself.

  


Yukie gave him a cock of the head and he just shrugged, both of them thinking of the state that their captain was in. Kaori gingerly moved onto thrusting her hips and all the boys copied her, thrusting their hips forward.

  


Kaori bowed once she was finished with her demonstration and scuttled back over to the side next to Yukie who was reading the book Bokuto had prepared.

  


“So...Bokuto decided that the best thing to do today is to practice receives. He decided that everyone will be given a partner and that from there they will practice regularly receives back and forth. He is calling this the warm up,” Yukie explained helping her kohai out.

  


“So...Onaga is with Washio. Sarukui is with Akaashi. And Bokuto was to be with Komi and Konoha, so you two can just be a pair. Kaori give the pairs a ball please,” Yukie demanded. Kaori handed the team a ball each and they both went into a space to practice regular receives, which included digs and regular ball returns.

  


Akaashi was glad it was such an easy task that his mind could focus on Bokuto, only yesterday was he jumping about like crazy, getting angry about how owls are the best pets to ever own. He would talk a lot quickly like he did when he was on one of his ‘eat loads’ days. Akaashi had his own ways to figure out if Bokuto was having a good day and was by how close he stood next to him in the morning. If Bokuto moved away he was having a bad day and if he stepped closer and even touched him, then he was having a good day.

  


He was still pretty unpredictable and figuring out how to make him have a good day was hard to do. He knew that owls always made him happy. On a bad day he always put on Legend of the Guardian and he would phase out of his bad mood. He would sit closer to him and would maybe want to snuggle. Recently, the movie didn’t help and Bokuto would just stare up at the ceiling or throw a tantrum not wanting to watch the movie.

  


Akaashi never realised how fast the day went, as now he was walking to meet Bokuto at the gates and, thankfully he was sitting on a bench. Akaashi walked over to him and gave him a general smile but Bokuto didn’t return the smile and he followed Akaashi to wherever he was going.

  


Akaashi led Bokuto to the zoo where he met a zookeeper he had agreed to meet. Bokuto looked at the bird that was in the cage and walked over to the cage and looked at the Long-Eared Owl that was sitting on a log high in the cage. The bird cocked its head at Bokuto before shook its feathers.

  


“Bokuto really likes owls,” Akaashi told the keeper and the man went into the cage and grabbed the bird and pulled it out of the cage and gave it to Bokuto to hold after putting a thick brown glove on his hand. Bokuto shook as he held the bird in his hands. It’s claws weren’t sharp at all as he held it, most likely because of the glove but still.

  


Suddenly, “Wow! Look I’m holding a owl! Akaashi! Look! I’m holding an owl!” Bokuto laughed as he tickled the top of the owls head. The owl tilted its head up so Bokuto could get a better scratch to it’s head. Akaashi noticed that the space between them was very minimal as Akaashi reached up and stroked the bird's head as well.

  


“Look, isn’t he wonderful. Aren’t they just the best animal to ever be a live. I mean...look at them,” He gestured to the other owls that he was surrounded with. Akaashi smiled softly as he saw the smile that he loved to see on Bokuto’s face. Akaashi leaned closer to Bokuto and  received a soft peck to his lips. Akaashi smiled at him but Bokuto had moved on like it had never happened and was handing the bird back over to keeper who stuffed it back into the cage.

  


Bokuto was allowed to touch more of the owls and learnt many interesting facts about the birds (not that he didn’t already know them.) They were discussing owls heads turning to 270 degrees and not the complete 360. Bokuto looked at the owls in wonder and was even allowed to touch a young snow owl that looked a little sad.

  


Akaashi followed the keeper around the place until it was close to closing time and Bokuto hurriedly pulled Akaashi out of the zoo and into the main street. Bokuto chuckled evilly and pulled the small snowy owl out of his coat pocket with a grin.

  


“You stole a bird!”

  


“It flew away,” Bokuto rejected and turned away and was walking back to his apartment

  


“It can’t fly,” Akaashi hissed out.

  


“It walked out.”

  


“It was stolen!” Akaashi pushed Bokuto away from some strangers and followed him to his apartment.

  


“Wasn’t that great,” Bokuto laughed as he waited at the bus stop to head back home. Akaashi wasn’t sure what to say, tell him that it was and support the bird-napping or tell him it was wrong and have Bokuto cry again in the locker room. He was always on the edge, so Akaashi decided to lean into his side and nuzzle into his shoulder.

  


“It was fun,” he agreed. Bokuto gave him another full smile and a peck on the forehead. Bokuto put an arm around Akaashi as they enjoyed the trip home to Bokuto’s home. Akaashi followed him into the house and was suddenly met with being pushed to the door and lips kissing his neck.

  


“Want to go into my bedroom,” Bokuto suddenly asked as he pulled Akaashi’s jacket off his shoulders. Akaashi pushed Bokuto back and pulled the flightless bird out of Bokuto’s pocket and handed it to him.

  


“What are you going to name him?”

  


“So you won’t tell me not to keep him?”

  


“I don’t know?” Akaashi muttered honestly.

  


“Are you dancing around my feelings? Is this because of me not going to practice?” Akaashi never said a word. That was exactly what he was doing. Dancing around him because he was made of glass that had a crack in him apparently. “I’m fine. There is no reason for you to be gentle with me,” Bokuto looked at what the bird was holding on his feet which was his stablizer tablets. Akaashi grabbed the tablets from the bird and looked at the tablets.

  


“Put them down! They are just painkillers. My knee was hurting me this morning! Put them down! STOP READING THE PACKET!” Bokuto pushed Akaashi into the door and more importantly into the door handle that hurt his back and the back of his heels.

  


Akaashi stood there stunned, he had hurt him. He had pushed him. It may sound childish but he never pushed him. He never hurt him. The packet was on the floor at his feet. Akaashi stepped forward and opened the door and stepped out again, tears welling in his eyes.

  


He had hurt him. It was stupid for the tears to be welling in his eyes but he was his boyfriend. They really liked each other. They never hurt the other. They never yelled. They were never distant. They were never closed up.

  


Bokuto put the bird into his pocket and it squawked. He sighed and took the bird to the zoo once again and told them that he had stolen the bird. The zookeeper was fairly kind about the situation and in return gave Bokuto a soft toy snowy owl that he held tightly that he could keep for free.

  


Bokuto returned home and picked up the tablets that was on the floor. He popped one out of the packet and swallowed it back. He found himself drifting over to the TV and watching some stupid show called, ‘ _The Only Way is Kyoto,’_

  


His mother returned home sometime and then tea was on the table the next but he didn’t touch it. He held the snowy toy owl in his arms that he had named Ikari. Some time later it became midnight but he continued to stare at the TV. The show had changed but to what he wasn’t watching, nor did he care. He just lay there, dead like.

  


The signing zone started and Bokuto still lay on the couch with nothing better to do. He had school tomorrow but he just lay on the couch watching as the woman eyed Bokuto ‘You should be in bed now. This is the signing zone. Respect the people that can’t hear,’

  


Sometime later Bokuto found himself waking up and he was soon on the way to school starting all over again. He found Akaashi walking ahead of him. He had turned round to see him but turned round again and was walking with some other male that was in his class. They were laughing together. Bokuto walked up them and grabbed Akaashi by the arm tightly.

  


“Oi...let me go,” Akaashi demanded but Bokuto kept trying to pull him away from his friend, “Let me go. You’re hurting me,” He continued to yelp like a child as Bokuto squeezed his arm tighter and tighter and tighter. His grip was like of an owls. He had sharp talons that was digging into his arm. Bokuto managed to pull Akaashi away but he ended up face planting into the gravel.

  


“Leave me alone!” Akaashi yelled at him as his friend helped him to his feet and looked over his arm. It was seriously bruised with Bokuto’s fingers marking him. Bokuto seemed to walk away, without any facial expression and headed to the school like he hadn’t seriously hurt Akaashi.

  


Akaashi sighed and walked to the school nurse to see if he could get something for his face, since he had scraped it, “Nurse,” He asked as she treated his face. She nodded her head, “What do Lithium tablets do?” That was what Bokuto was taking.

  


“Ah Lithium is commonly used for bipolar patients. It stabilizes a person's manic or depressed mood. Why do you ask?” She asked as she infecte a cut at his chin.

  


“My friend had them. He’s been acting funny and then I found the tablets. He ended him hurting me twice, this being his work,” he gestured to his face and his wrist.

  


“What has he been doing?” She asked with concern.

  


“Well one day he is overly excited. The next he is kind of out of it. I know that on his good days he steps closer to me and is more eager to touch me, on his bad days he keeps his distance,” The nurse nodded her head.

  


“Do you know about his sex drive? His interests?”

  


“Well...erm...on his good days...he is erm...he is...ugh…,” Akaashi’s cheeks went bright red as his eyes frantically looked to the nurse then to his lap and then make again.

  


“He’s your boyfriend?” Akaashi nodded his head curtly.

  


“He is more up for kissing...and erm...touching and suggesting going to the bedroom. He loves owls and when I try to get him to cheer up with Legend of the Guardian it no longer works,”

  


“I think your boyfriend may be bipolar. You may want to discuss it with him,” Once Akaashi was cleaned up he walked to the third year common room and found Bokuto lying on the couch tiredly. Akaashi took a deep breath and approached him slowly.

  


“Hello,” He spoke softly. Bokuto’s moved his eyes to look at Akaashi then went back to focusing on nothing, “So...erm...I spoke to the nurse. About you. Because I was worried. Erm...the lithium tablets...they are to help with your bipolar disorder?” Akaashi asked, taking a seat next to him and touching his soft hair.

  


Bokuto never said a word and just stared out at the nothingness, “ So...I’m...by your side. If you need my help then I will give it to you,” Bokuto never moved. Akaashi knew that he was fine as he was breathing at least.

  


“They aren’t working anymore,” Bokuto finally spoke. Akaashi looked down at Bokuto as he stared off at the walls still. “The tablets. They don’t work. They used to. Now they don’t. I am screwed. I should just kil-” Akaashi shook his head frantically and pulled Bokuto up so that he could cradle him in his arms.

  


“Don’t you ever say that. Never ever say that!” He whimpered into his soft hair. Bokuto sat up and looked at the bandage that was around his wrist. He brought it up his lips and kissed it softly, then kissed his cheek where he had cut his face.

  


“I’m scared,” Bokuto whispered truthfully. Akaashi wasn’t prepared to help him, he wanted to but he had no idea on what he could do to help. He just knew that not helping was out of the question. “I lay down and time just flies by. I feel like a zombie. I feel out of place. I don’t know,” Bokuto whispered. Akaashi held him closer to his body. The other tried to brush him away but Akaashi refused him to leave his side.

  


Bokuto reached into his bag and pulled out the snowy owl plush, “I returned the owl and the zookeeper gave me him. Akaashi I’m not crazy, am I?” Akaashi shook his head and pulled his head closer to his chest and nuzzled his head into his long hair.

  


“Lots of people have bipolar and they can live happy lives. I think you should go to the doctor and talk to them. I think you need more help than you are getting. I don’t know anything about this, but I will try to understand. Go to the doctors now and see if you can get something that works for you,’ Akaashi whispered into his hear.

  


“What if nothing works. Lithium is the most common one and my body rejects it. Then what do I do if I reject other things,” Akaashi took a deep breath. He knew very little about Bipolar disorder other than the stereotypical ideals of what it is like. He didn’t want to jump to any conclusions about it.

  


“They will find something that works for you. They always do,” Bokuto stood up and handed Akaashi his volleyball notebook. Akaashi leant in and kissed his cheek though he did step away from him afterwards. “I’ll text you,” Bokuto nodded his head and walked slowly out of the common room and towards the doctor's practice.

  


Akaashi headed to his own class where he slipped in quietly and took a seat at the front, “Ah Akaashi-san, Himuro-san told me you were at the infirmary. Everything alright?” His teacher asked standing over him to hand him a textbook. Akaashi nodded his head as he flipped open the textbook.

  


Ironically, when he flipped open the page they were talking about disorders and one of the one at the top of the page was about bi-polar, “People know this disorder to be the one where a person has a crazy array of emotions that are being manic or depressed. This isn’t always the case. This is the general idea of it….”

* * *

 

Akaashi was walking out of the school building when he saw Bokuto standing their with his hands in his pocket. He was reading a leaflet of some sort when Akaashi approached and read the leaflet himself. It was a guide to writing his feelings. A diary that he should write and hand in every week.

  


“Hey...how did it go?” He asked as Bokuto led the way to the train station. He was quiet for a few moments then he shrugged.

  


“They gave me other tablets to try. They want me to go see my psychiatrist three times a week and write in this diary about how I am feeling. They want me to write about our relationship, my relationship with others and just general emotions like what made me sad or happy,” Akaashi nodded as they headed to the train station together.

  


“What do you feel now?”

  


“Numb,”

  


Akaashi took a deep breath, that one class he had this morning did not make him a master on his boyfriend's mental disorder but it did give an introduction to what he may have to do. He knew that over time things would be better and that he would be able to help him out with whenever it was needed. For the time being he would just have to go along with it.

**Author's Note:**

> Ikari means anger. I thought it was fitting. I tried. I honestly do see Bokuto to be bipolar. Why can't he be?


End file.
